Typing with one hand....

Get your mind out the gutter… Gosh my readers have the dirtiest minds… Hmmm, or maybe that’s just me. I guess whenever I hear that someone is typing with one hand I just automatically assume the other hand is down south taking them on a trip to the happy place…
But my current situation assures me that that is not always the case.
My other hand is keeping a slightly ill, verrrrryy cranky 23 month old from banging her teeny little feet on the keyboard yet again. She is at that point of the day where it is time to go to sleep but she doesn’t want to and I am trying to get her to calm down and have some quiet time while mommy finallyupdates her blog. Michael is working on his project from his labor classes so he isn’t helping me fight her little tail off. I am hoping that the soothing glow from my laptop and the click of the keys will lull her to sleep.
Its not working.
At the present time, she is insisting that I turn on her new obsession. Who is this fucking Little Bear and why does he have complete and total mind control of my little diva daughter(LDD)? We were at the greatest thrift store in Chicago on half price day and I nonchalantly picked this up for our girl to break the Elmo habit and now she’s all hopped up on LB. I, guess, Elmo was just her gateway drug. :sigh:
There is not much fierce and fabulous about Little Bear. Well, maybe I’m bitter because this child has watched this tape no less than four times today… I know, I know, negligent mama. Way too much TV for a little baby. But it was one day and the kids is running a fever and generally not feeling well and its the only thing that will stop the whiiinnnnniiinnnnnggg so I caved for today! Tomorrow she’ll be back to quantum physics and watching this cuddly little teddy bear so don’t call the people on me just yet.
Let’s see…. So its maybe baby time around here… In an effort to catch up from the week of no booty touching Michael and I have been going at it like bunnies.
WITHOUT. ANY. PRECAUTIONS.
Up until this recent ridiculousness, I have been the prophylactic police around these parts. Like typically, I’m no glove no love. Which totally sucks cause we are married now and if we are not allowed to get down and dirty with random hot people we meet in our travels we should be allowed to get down and dirty with each other with ZERO protection. But I can’t take birth control pills or any of that crap, without becoming even more of a basketcase than I already am and lets face it noooobody wants to see that nonsense. And I wanted to wait for the next baby. Mostly, because I have a secret fantasy about how now that LDD is almost totally, sorta, kinda, not really at all, potty trained, that Michael and I will go off jetsetting to all kind of fabulous places(Aruba, Puerto Rico, GHANNNNAAA!) this year in celebration of the fact that we are awesome, and young, and in love, and have parents who we can guilt trip in to taking the baby for a few days at a time who love doing the grand-parenting thing so much they insist on keeping our collective bundles of joy all the time! I don’t think we get nearly enough just Michael and I time without homework, poops, and kid crisises, popping up every two minute but such is life. I’m dedicated to working on the me and Mikey time more often. So bringing a brand new body snatche-, I mean baby won’t really fit so well in with Mike plus Senam minus kids=YIPPEEE! equation.
I, also, have this other fantasy where Michael is a hot sweaty, mechanic and I bring the junk in my trunk in for a quick fix I mean, where I get to take a whole weekend and be by myself and do whatever I want in some fabulous hotel somewhere warm, with a pool, and super hi speed internets (I’m such a nerd:). NO Michael. No LDD. No nagging mama. Just me, my laptop, and a list of the most fabulous restaurants in the area. Sometimes, I miss my just, Senam time, but realistically about 8 hours in I would want my babies back so maybe one night in a spiffy Chicago area hotel might do the trick…But I doubt that will happen anytime soon. Probably also cause in the fantasy I am like 40 lbs lighter with a Tyra like wig game that would make it rain on them hoes…
But, lately, I’ve been seeing pregnant women everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE. I swear, I saw a pregnant police officer chasing some hoodlum down in a maternity uniform on the news. Do pregnant police officer have uniforms? I think that would make me fall over in hysterical laughter if I saw an actual pregnant police officer on Cops or something chasing some 2 toothed dude down…heh.
Anyway, I’ve had babies on the mind lately. Michael is steadily trying to convince me that we need 3 more. T.H.R.E.E THREEEEEEE!!! The thought of that makes me sweat… Blood! That means we will have 1,2,3,4,5,6 children in our house… I don’t know if we can handle being out numbered like that. I will not find my self running the latest franchise of IHOBAK. But I am definitely down for one, aww hell two more.
My plan is/was to wait till next year to get pregnant, take some more advanced design courses, enjoy some time with a more grown up and self sufficient LDD, throw myself one outlandishly huge birthday bash, and get the business up and running like a well oiled machine before the next baby comes. But hey, there are a whole nine months from , if I am pregnant to waahhh waaahhh baby constantly attached to my boobs, so if I am I can just do my best to get all that done ASAP. Who knows it might even be a catalyst for me to get everything done quicker and it would be nice to have another little boy around here that looks like Mike-ito.
So me and the Mike-ito talked it over and due to the various slip-ups (or shall I say slip-ins [so immature];), for this whole month we are “trying” and if I am not pregnant this time next month I’m back to my prophaltic policing duties with all new vigor! (Un-uh, Buddy do you have a license to use that thing….)
But, if not, in nine months we will have a new diva or divo in the fam. And the thought of that makes me happy….
Stay fierce, fabulous, and making it rain on them hoes (that is my new favorite thing to say),
Senam
Head Diva in Charge at My Design Diva
P.S There are some big changes & new designs up at www.mydesigndiva.com ! Click on the wedding button on the top and check it on out! Feedback and Comments are much appreciated!

I miss my man....

So I've got lots of glorious stuff to discuss!
The beloved almost 2 year-old is slowly moving up my favorite person chain to above Michael and right below Beyaki (Like I don't even go that way but I even had to say DAMN when I saw that picture... And what kind of weave/lace front is that Indian remi, Asian supreme , or just plain fabulously fake! What ever it is she is doing IT)

Anyway, I'm just playing about the favorite person placements I love Beyonce way more than Michael! hee hee!

Anyway could the kid be any cooler.... Yea, she could be totally potty trained but I digress...

She is grade A Fantabulous!! I love her, love her, love her!!!

Currently she is totally in love with Alicia Keys' No One.

Do you know the power of a little baby sitting in a grocery cart singing:
"ooooo onnnnee nnoooo unnnnneeee uh nana way o whut I feeeellllliinnn"
That stuff could get this whole Iraq thing under control.... I mean folks would be like you know with cute kids like this is the world what is there to fight over!

I mean there were big construction working dudes in the line with us cracking up! And she could careless... She's like, "Whatever, Mommy, this is my jam!"

It was hilarious and really cute... Totally YouTube-able... but alas her mother is a lazy slub ole ME and I do not run around with a video camera or digital camera constantly strapped to my neck so you missed it... Bummer.

But if she continues on this track you can just call Michael and I, Matthew and Tina Knowles and she can be our own little "Destiny's Child!" You can say " NO, NO, NO" if you want to but Mommy got "Bills, Bills, Bills" and she could put in on that!

I'm just saying...

Moving right along....So, Michael left me y'all!

Not for real for real , But for like a week.... but he is in DC at some fabulous hotel having the time of his life at his union building workshops and the like... Its like totally a big deal that he got picked, huge honor, something like only 20 people in the nation get chosen every two years, it will allow him to be the best union builder he can be, help save jobs, help hundreds of families, blah, blah, blah....
All that is well and good but.....

Who the F**k is going to take the garbage out?

Soooooo, I acted like an ass about it initially.....

I'm allowed( but just a little teeny bit)

Thankfully, I have gotten myself together enough to be happy about the fact that he got this big opportunity and that he gets sometime to himself ,to learn, relax, and chill! Lord knows, that 60 hour work week working man deserves it!

But I miss my man! I love him... He's funny and he makes me laugh and smile, and is particularly helpful in keeping my ridonkulos anxiety in check and he has a cute booty on top of all that! Not to mention his garbage taking abilities.

This is the longest we've been apart since we've been together... I was having all kids of panic attacks about it but then I just decided to do what Michael is always telling me to do:

"Chill the F**k Out!"

I have stopped worrying about the 8 million things that could go wrong! And I am now solely focused on the 8 billion things that will go right! It has made this whole thing a lot more pleasant...

I stopped freaking out about how bored the kid and I would be in the house and came up with all kind of fun activities for us to do... Last night, We had a fabulous tickle fight, the legend of which will be told for years to come.

There are some serious benefits to a week away from the hubby...

Michael is allergic to seafood...
The kid and I have been having a full blown "SHIRMPAGANZA!"
We just had shrimp fried rice, sweet and crispy shrimp, shrimp egg rolls, catfish fillets, shrimp toast and jam, and shrimp juice.

OK maybe not all that but we have been getting to know seafood intimately!

Michael is a blanket and bed space hogger...
Yesterday, slept in a total L shape right in the middle of the bed! And I used every single pillow on the bed!!!(insert evil laugh here and me screeching,"I am the PILLLLLOOOOWWW PRINNCCESSS!!!)

Michael is totally disgusted with my secret love of all things reality TV.
Its been a reality TV buffet all up and through this beeeootchh! Yesterday I watched the Biggest Loser, Real(llyFAKE) Housewives of the OC, Project Runway, Celebrity Apprentice, and American Gladiators, and the MTV gauntlet thing!! I am not ashamed.

Obviously, I'm over here trying to make lemonade out of lemons.

But it has been a fun flirting with him over the phone and IM. And I cannot wait to see him on Friday!!! Its like we had a long distance romance for a week! Its is such a nice little excitement to be like only 5 more days, only 2 more days.... I'm going to smother him in loving when he comes home!!

Stay fierce, fabulous, and smothered in lovin,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge at My Design Diva!

Note to almost 2- year old person who calls me....

Mommy....



It is not cool to make a monster poopy in your diaper and then come to me looking disgusted, while pointing at super toxic scented diaper SCREAMING:"ewwwwww..... sick!"



"ewwww sick, mommy! YUCKA!"



Ain't nobody told you to shat yourself!



I'm just saying....


Stay fierce, fabulous, and poopy-free,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge
My Design Diva

FREE STD's

So here's the thing! I am dog sick!! Like low down dirty shame SICK!!! Really its just a hacking cough all over the place... But it is really making it hard to preserve my sexy...

I mean even though I am an official sexy beast. Its especially difficult to seductively welcome home your hard working postman of a husband, after a hard day at work with a half your lung in your throat but I tried...

ME(seductively purring):

"Hey Mr. Postma-AACCCHHHH COOUGH COOUGH AKKKK HACKK-nnn! Did you mi-GURGGGLE ACKKKK HACKKKK COUGH COUG-ssss me at work today?"

MICHAEL:
"Go lay your sick ass down somewhere!"

Ok it didn't really go down like that but he wasn't really trying to be all up on me after I cough in his mouth MID-KISS yesterday! BWAHAHAHAHA!! Is it wrong that I thought it was hilarious? I'm just saying he should have learned his lesson!

Anyhoo, I'm taking some classes this semester and of course today was the first day! And I am a total nerd about these things!

So, I HAAADDDD to go to the first day!! What kind of slacker would my teacher think I was!

Un uh! Fierce, fabulous me was going to the first day of classes even if I had to be coughing all over the place!!

DISCLAIMER: According to my QUACK I mean, my Doctor, has assured me I am no longer contagious! After all, it has been well over two weeks so now my body is just fighting off the last of it! If there was even the slightest chance I was contagious I would not have gone! I don't play that contagious mess!

****Awww come on ^ that's funny!!!"*****

So I went!

When the teacher went around the room asking us to introduce ourselves and tell about yourself I said." Hi, my name is Senam and I am NOT Contagious!" I felt like I was at a CA meeting! A COOTIES ANONYMOUS MEETING! It wasn't so bad though.... I only coughed for like two of the three hours! Of course then my phone died on me when I had to call Michael to come pick me up from class... So I had to ask this girl to use her phone and when I gave it back to her she was all wiping it down and spit-shining it to get my cooties off it! Is it wrong that that made me laugh?

Probably cause I would have done the EXACT same thing! But now that I understand the plight of the Outbreak Monkey I realize all he wanted was some love, DAMN IT!

But I digress...

So owning your own business means you can do really awesome stuff when the F*** ever you want to...

No boss to answer too. You can do the things you want when you want.

You know, things like abuse your power to give away free stuff to get more comments on your blog!!!

I mean, I know you are here...

I know you are reading this...

And I think you may sorta kinda a little bit like it!! Hmmm or maybe you hate it...

Either way you should tell me about it!!! So in order to encourage you to do just that.....

TADA!

I'm giving away a free STD!!!!!!!!

I know what your asking yourself!

"Which STD is she giving away? Herpes, chlamydia, genital warts?"

This is all starting to sound like Britney Spears' latest checkup!" Ohhhhh BURRRNNNNN (LITERALLY;) I'm sorry that was foul!

Ewww Gross! Read the blog, homie! I'm talking about a WEDDING SAVE THE DATE DESIGN!! If you don't need one of those I might be convinced to design you a menu or some water bottle labels... Don't get crazy with it! A sista's gotta eat! Anyhoo, ONE FREE SAVE THE DATE DESIGN with one free revision for a teeny tiny measly comment! Can you say good deal!

All you have to do is comment (leave your email address, please:) over the next 7 days and I will randomly pick one winner!

You can comment on any of the posts on the blog not just this one!

And if you don't have a blogger ID or whatever just post as anonymous and leave your first name, your email address and your comment! If you have questions about the whole Save The Date giveaway you can email me at mydesigndiva@gmail.com!!

Ok that's it! I'm off to go whisper some sweet coughings in my husbands ear....

Stay fierce, fabulous, and freeeeeeeeeee,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge

My Design Diva

BOOTLEG TRIAL RUN FOR MEGHAN

I've got STD fever!!!

So when I first started posting on Internet message boards and forums I was always so confused about the letter language that everybody was using!
WTF, FI,DH, OOT, DIY, PIB, and my all time favorite STD!
I know right! I will never forget one day when I innocently logged on to theknot.com message boards to be assaulted with a post in all caps loudly proclaiming:

I GOT MY STD'S!!!!!!

I almost spit my water all over the computer screen! All I could think was uhh, damn STD's...PLURAL!!! Obviously she's not living right!

But I was relieved to find out that STD was the Internet bride's way of talking about her SAVE THE DATE cards!
With guests and family schedule's being so packed couple's have taken to sending Save the Date cards months in advance (usually 6-8 months before the wedding) to let their loved ones know about their upcoming wedding!
Is it absolutely necessary.... nope!
Is it a fun thing to do and another awesome way to brand your most fabulous wedding? Most divanitely, YES!

Lately I'm all about the save the date design! I've got new save the date designs up at my etsy store and the one up at the top is the newest design that I have been working on! I'm loving it! I hope you all don't think I'm extra conceited putting our picture in all the designs! It just easier cause Mikey and I are willing guinea pigs!!

On the home front: I'm still fighting the INFLUENZA so I'm exhausted half the damn day! But I am pressing on with all my great life changes! Today when Michael came home he said "Oooh, you look cute!" and I did! I put on a little jean skirt, a cute red top, and some cute sandals just to chill around the house! Ya, I know its January but errr um its hot in my house! I'm embracing my inner fabulousness!

Just cause I'm a stay at home mom doesn't mean I'm not a fierce one! I made the most delicious pot roast with creamy mashed potatoes and brown sugar cured baby carrots! I can barely move it was so delicious!!!

So my darling diva's.....
When was the last time you home-cooked a deliciously divine meal for you and your family! Luckily, now that I am at home, I'm able to do it all the time. I know how the hustle and bustle of working, keeping up with bills, keeping it fabulous, and just being you can keep you at the local take out joint! That is perfectly fine! My takeout menu drawer can be my best friend but every once in a while its nice to make something totally from scratch...

It can be totally therapeutic to chop your own onions, peel your own potatoes, and watch your loved ones devour the meal you made all on your own. It makes me feel like even with all the craziness in the world for just this one moment I have given my family something of my own making, filled with nothing but my good intentions and love, something that will give them that good, full belly feeling that is so divine!

Stay fierce, fabulous and full of good food & good love,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge
My Design Diva

Booty....

So I haven't been keeping up with the blog everyday and I don't think everyday blogging is a realistic goal for me especially since My Design Diva is on and popping! I've been cranking out the new designs as you can see from my slide show below and I have been getting a lot orders!! YAY!!!New Manolo's here I come!

And a very cool bonus is that all of the brides I have been working with have been unbelievably fierce and I love them all! Such fun and love-filled women just the kind of people I looooovee working for!

Anyway, the big reason for not writing is THE Motherf-ing INFLUENZA! Can you believe this madness I've got the flu. Not flu-like symptoms like some of you pansies(this means you Michael) had last year and claimed "to be going to meet your maker". I've got the mother freaking INFLUENZA!!!

I'd like to have slapped the stank out of the doctor when she told me I had the REAL FLU!! She was all dramatic about it and freaked out about catching it! Like I been playing in landfills and picked up some totally specialized unbelievably contagious strain of disease! I mean it is a huge pain in the ass but getting the flu is totally common.

You think, she thought I had the Ebola cause I was black & AFRICAN?

Triflin! I swear I have not been hooking up with the Outbreak Monkey! I even put on the little surgical mask they give you and wore it the whole time! And since you are a DOCTOR,can you please stop with all the dramatics! She came in the room and was like "Well, Ma'am I hate to break it to you but you've got influenza! This could lay you out for months!You be in terrible pain and unable to do anything! Please keep your mask tied tightly cause we don't want to get what you got" AND I QUOTE!!! I was like how did I get it she was like well you probably got it from being in contact with your kids Kids are petri dishes of infections!! I'm surprised she didn't bring her tail in the room like this

It was so crazy all I could do was laugh I mean, All I could do was hack my lungs out and moan from the headache and aches and pains but if I can't be sick at the doctors office where in the H-E-Double can a sicko like myself get some love!

Oh I know where in the bed with my husband: AKA the freak AKA the indestructible man AKA Michael!

I swear to goodness his horniness know no bounds. Like I was literally laying in bed with my left lung trying to escape my chest through my coughs, with a 101 degree fever and cold sweats and this dude climbs in the bed with me and starts to feel on my BOOTY!!!!

And maybe I was just hopped up on antibiotics but instead of slapping his ass immediately I thought" AWWWWWW my baby loves me and finds me attractive even in my sickest most disgusting moments. How sweet!"

And then I slapped him!

OK, not really but in some sick way it made me love him more that even with the INFLUENZA and the terrible way I looked and felt he still wanted to love on me! Yet another reason to embrace my fabulousness even my husband can resist the deliciousness that is me(and my boootyyyeee my boooootyyyy[shout out to R. Kelly's ignorant behind)
Anyway Michael wasn't all nasty about it either! As he said "that the best way he knows how to make me feel good so he was willing to take one for the team and make love to me all night to nurse me back to health."

How selfless of him!
Ya right! What can I say My husbands a freakky Freak!

But I love that dude and he took great care of me with delicious chicken soup, warm towels and blankets, daily medicine checks, back rubs, and taking care of the baby and then taking her to my mom's for the week so I could recuperate! !!!

HE meant well but he was a little misguided! I did break him off with a little something something once the dry heaving stopped ! hee hee!


Stay Fierce, Fabulous, and hopelessly in LOVE and LUST with your husband,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge

mydesigndiva.etsy.com

NEW DESIGNS

Merry Christmas. and a.....

Most ROCKIN' New year.....

This dude said that to me yesterday as I was on my trip to my new favorite thing. I thought it was cute and totally appropriate for the new even more fabulous life I am trying to create for myself.

I'm running late here with the postings but it was for a semi-good reason. I went to get my hair done by the world's most slowest braider..... 22 mother freaking hours and we still were not done when I decided to pack it in and leave. I mean, I do look pretty freaking fly but honestly two days of my life to get my buttas whooped is nonsensical. Especially when we first started and she was talking about 6 hours. Why I believed her I will never know. I should have known there was going to be some bullshit in the game.... My mama recommended her to me!

Yup, thats right. On Thursday, I drove all the way from my most divalicious abode to my mother's home 45 minutes away in Bolingbrook. And then and only then, was I told that the lady I had the appointment with lived another 25 minutes away in Lockport! SONUVA, SONUVA!
The only benefit of all this nonsense was that I could leave Solstice with my mom and go to the lady's house and just focus on getting my hair done and not be worried about Solstice running around, changing diapers, and going pee pee in the potty.... Once again I should have known there was going to be some bullshit in the game......

The braider has 1.2.3.4. FIVE CHILDREN.... All in the house. All in desperate need of a smooth ass whupping. Alll over me and my shit. Allllllll in the way of me getting my hair done quickly and flyly.

I have many horrors to speak of but I will only speak of one. The little bad ass boy found his little bad ass way into a bag of my hair and proceed to wrap it around his entire little bad ass body. He is still alive. That was not my choice.

Six hours later at 1 am, I had about 1/6 of my hair braided, an extreme headache, a bag of hair gone bad ass, a extreme need to take off my belt, and an attitude.

How in the hell did I get my self into this mess? Ah yes, my mother! So at 1 o'clock
in the morning I made my way back to Bolingbrook to go pick up my daughter and drive another 45 minutes to go home. And then drive back to Lockport in Saturday by 7am and finish by 3pm to make it to Michael's company Christmas party.
On the pissed off ass way back to my mom's house reality hit.
Ain't no way in hell that chick was going to be done with my hair in 7 hours when it took her 6 hours to barely put a dent in the job.

Then the sad reality hit. I was going to have to spend the night at my mom's house, wake up in the morning and spend all of my lovely delicious design all day Friday at the IHOBAK. The International House of Bad Ass Kids.

I hate sleeping away from my husband. He's not a big fan of it either. There is something powerfully calming about his breathing and the feeling of his arm carelessly slung across my middle. When he isn't laying next to me something deep inside of me aches for him. I think it's my uterus...

Day 58, Change 3, Embrace the Fabulous...

Can I keep it real with ya?

I'm pretty freaking fabulous.

Call me cocky, arrogant, whatever but the truth is the motherfucking truth!
All this beating around the bush and shit just ain't going to get us where we need to be. We need to be better than that.

I stay fierce, fabulous, and fine. And there is no reason to try to hide it. Or to not acknowledge it.

I should be ashamed of the talent, the gawjusness, the fierceness. For what reason?

Flaws and all, I still make a pretty fan-fucking-tastic package and I will not waste anymore time trying to downgrade the diva that I am. After all I am the HDIC.

But all that means, I've got to stop the bullshit and live up to my potential.

Therein lies the rub.

If I act like I'm not gorgeous, its OK to be sloppy as my daily uniform.
If downplay my sense of style and impeccable taste, Its OK to not do my hair and wear head wraps and scarfs because I am too lazy to take care of my physical appearance and put in a little work. Its OK to have gained more weight and too have outgrown all of your clothes. Its OK to have not finished your college degree because who are you to think that you are worthy of a life advancement like that. Its OK to nag the fuck out out of your husband cause who do you think you are to have someone who loves you. And its alright to never live up to your potential cause hey you ain't worth none of the blessing that you have been given.

Nonsense.

Total Bologna.

So as Solstice would say, I fiiiinnnnish .

I'm not going to dishonor all the gifts that I have been given by not using them.
That is just plain silly.
Disrespectful really.

When I was born all the good things in this world conspired to give me health, a poetic mind & heart, the ability to sing, an eye for style, intelligence, a good sense of humor, resilience, and the favor of a loving family. Its is unconscionable for me to sit in the house and pout & do nothing with my skill set.

I should be thankful that there are so many different directions my life has pulled me in. because of all the places life has taken me I have done (and can still do) a little bit of everything.
I should embrace that and create a life filled with all the things that I am good at. I shouldn't feel like I have to be perfect at one thing and let the others fall by the wayside. I can be a graphic designer/singer/poet/teacher/card artist/activist/mother/songwriter/sexy beast/wife/& star.

Jack of all trades, master of none.

I'm not perfect at anything but I'm good at everything. That statement has always resonated with me. I don't want to be perfect. I just want to be good. I am.
I honor the fabulousness that is, me. I will claim it. I will own it. Everyday, I will honor the blessings I have been given and strive to achieve the full Splendor that is Senam. No moredoing just barely enough. Its time to do it all, and to do it well....

Stay fierce, fabulous, and fan-fucking-tastic,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge
My Design Diva,

Day 59, Change 2, Leave that Man alone....

Change #2:

I know this will come as an absolute shock to my sweet loving husband & family, but er uh... sometimes I can be a teensy, weensy, tiny bit of a nag....

Ok fine... You gots ta claim it, to change it...

I HAVE BEEN A NAG!

I blame my mother for this side of me. It is one of the many thing about the woman I call mama that drives me abso-damn-lutely craaazzzyy!

She just can't leave folks alone. I mean she is on top of me at all times! AT ALL TIMES! Constantly calling me, hawking me, NAGGGIIINNNGG MEEEE!

I mean, it use to make my skin visibly bristle. A sista like me was busting out in hives all day eerreeday as a young girl. But somehow I made it thru all that. Just Fine Only slightly crazy, which is a triumph!

So now as I find myself placed firmly in the position of Mama with a husband, a daughter, a step-daughter, and a stepson, I can feel it.

Damn, I can almost taste it.

The hot, nasty, trash infested, stank, nasty breath of the nag monster breathing on my neck trying its very best to come out of my mouth and inhabit my soul.

Try again, Homie! I'm on to you now... And you will be stopped immediately.

THE DEFINITION OF A NAG

1.	to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands.

2.	to keep in a state of troubled awareness or anxiety, as a recurrent pain or problem

3.	to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

4.	to cause pain, discomfort, distress, depression, etc. (often fol. by at)

I didn't get it before. I realize that nagging is nothing but arrogance,anxiety, insecurity,nervousness,and a shot of good intention left out to rot.

Growing up the way, I did with a mother who was a nag left me "in a state of troubled awareness and anxiety." I desperately love my mother but I realize that some mistakes were made. My father was not a nice man. My mother would nag him to craziness at times. This doesn't excuse his at times out and out deplorable behavior but I understand being pushed to the edge by a nag. Maybe that was just the way she found to deal with the madness. She made a mistake in that area. I will make mistakes with my family too. But I will not make this one.

I.

Will.

Not.

NAG.

I will not stress my people with constant questions, demands, and worries.


I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

I will leave that man alone...

He has always done exactly what he says he is going to do. So there is no need to constantly question him about everything. I don't need to look over his shoulder as he is doing anything. I need to stop being frantic that one day he will just up and stop being the man that I know him to be. He is smart, funny, honest, faithful, strong, hard working, and he loves me. I will stop complaining about the way that he does those things. I will stop nagging him to love me better or differently. I will stop asking him constantly if he loves me. I will stop hawking him for love. He love me. He shows and tells me all the time.

I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

All of this madness comes from one place and one place alone. Sometimes, I am scared of everything. Not can't go out the house scared, but just can't chill and go with the flow, scared. Its not all the time not even most of the time. But its enough of the time.

Reading that definition of a nag hit me hard. I am stepping out of this constant "state of troubled awareness and anxiety." Its not helpful.

I did it once. For the wedding. I can honestly say for that whole day I just let go and let God. I trusted every single decision I had made. I trusted the people I hired to do their jobs and handle them well without my nagging. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy. Everybody kept asking me aren't you worried? Aren't you nervous? But I wasn't. How could I have been. That day was the day when my baby love would officially be my husband. The man that he is, the love that we have, the life that we are creating: these things give me unspeakable joy. He has finally given me peace.

So I will not blemish that with the worry, anxiety and nagging. I will stop worrying that one day he will look at me and think hold fast, this is all I got. I will stop worrying that one day the love will go away. I, begrudgingly, admit this is possible.

But will the constant worry make it impossible?

NOPE.

So, I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to enjoy love and being loved. I'm going to smile when my husband calls me baby cause that's all I ever wanted. I'm going to be thankful when he makes me undercooked potatoes for breakfast because ummm my husband just made me breakfast.What the hell could be wrong with that?! I'm going to laugh as loud as he does in public cause who cares... We're happy! I'm going to enjoy my love.

I will no longer be so frantic with worry and anxiety that I can't relax for just a few moments everyday and just enjoy the flow of life.

I apologize to myself for endlessly nagging myself out of some of the greatest experiences of life!

I apologize to myself for all the things I never did. I apologize for nagging myself out of a four year scholarship!

I apologize to myself for not starting My Design Diva the moment the idea struck me.

I apologize to my stepchildren for nagging them about cleaning their rooms, and dressing warmly when going out in the snow. (Especially since I rarely do any of those things myself)

So honey, I admit it, when I check the babies diaper after you've changed it, I am more than just concerned that the diapers may be faulty. Somewhere deep in the arrogantly, insecure recesses of my mind, I am so full of myself that I am convinced you will do it wrong. That's rude. That's disrespectful. That's unkind. That's not who I am. Thank god you know that.

I'm sorry baby.

I' m sorry for being to scared to go rollerskating with you, biking with you, skiing with you, ALIVE with you!

I apologize for shushing you in the movie theater when you laugh SO loud. It really was hilarious when that happened that one time.

My most heartfelt appologies, for being so married to my fear that I neglected you my real husband.

I apologize for freaking out when you pinch my booty when we are walking down the street.

I apologize for being so scared you will be unfaithful to me that I become a detective and treat you like a criminal when I can't pinpoint your exact whereabouts for more than 15 minutes of any given time.

I apologize for being so frantic . I'm working on it, my love. I will conquer the nag within. I appreciate your kindness and understanding as I work this out.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and fearless,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge

My Design Diva...

Thirty ... Uhh... 60 days to a better me...

Let's be honest this mess might take 60 years but alas the eternal optimist in me is going to try to be just a little bit better than I am right now in the next 60 days!

How very grown up of me to realize that I have some areas to deal with.... Even DIVA's can be better. I mean don't get is twisted I am still spectacularly, Senam! Over the next few days I will go over all of the items one by one.

1. I have plans to have the actual website for mydesigndiva.com on and popping!

In order, to have that happen I need to create & product test at least 100 different products/designs to present to you, my adoring public. I would also in the next 30 days have at least save the dates, monograms, and 10 invitation suites up and popping at my etsy shop.

Hopefully have some sales and some very,very happy customers. I really take each order to heart knowing that these people have trusted me not only with their money but with a part of one of the most important moments of their lives.

There is not enough love in the world. This I know to be true.

So any two people who have, despite of the nonsense that this world is filled with, enough gumption to jump into the lovely, tumtultuos, peaceful, harrowing, fun-filled, gut-wrenching, heart healing, soul stirring, boat called marriage, I applaud them. I support them. I lift them up to God, Allah, Jesus, Yaweh, Buddah, and to every good power, spirit, thought, and force in the world and sincerely hope they will be blessed!

I do my best to offer my skill as a designer and paper artist to trumpet the day when they took the leap for love.

Stay fierce, fabulous & In love,

Senam

I know that since its my first post and all I should be introducing myself and giving you all the business about the fierceness that is me

but...

I'm not going to.

We have much more pressing matters at hand. Ok, so I know I'm late or whatever but I just heard T-pain and whoever the hell else is on that "Cyclone" Song!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA

Why is that fool singing Eer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer Eer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer Eer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer reer Reer Oh-oh!

If you haven't heard it yet go listen to it here on youtube.

Scroll to 2:32 or to 3:14 minutes in.

Close your eyes so you won't have to poison your mind with the mysogyny and nonsense that is that video. But enjoy the hilarity that is that gremlin singing!

T-Pain is a M-Fing Idiot! I love it!

I know he is further enslaving my people with his ridiculousness(LYRIC:Shortie got lips and shortie got class, shortie got hips and shortie got ass) but he always makes me laugh with the shere goofiness of it all! But it is sad that this is what kids are listening to and thinking its ok to deal with women like that.

Here to offset the ridiculousness that i sent you to go see...Watch this, every flipping minute of it!

It all still looks to familiar in some cases...

Stay fierce,fabulous, and strong,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge

mydesigndiva.com