I miss my man....

So I've got lots of glorious stuff to discuss!
The beloved almost 2 year-old is slowly moving up my favorite person chain to above Michael and right below Beyaki (Like I don't even go that way but I even had to say DAMN when I saw that picture... And what kind of weave/lace front is that Indian remi, Asian supreme , or just plain fabulously fake! What ever it is she is doing IT)

Anyway, I'm just playing about the favorite person placements I love Beyonce way more than Michael! hee hee!

Anyway could the kid be any cooler.... Yea, she could be totally potty trained but I digress...

She is grade A Fantabulous!! I love her, love her, love her!!!

Currently she is totally in love with Alicia Keys' No One.

Do you know the power of a little baby sitting in a grocery cart singing:
"ooooo onnnnee nnoooo unnnnneeee uh nana way o whut I feeeellllliinnn"
That stuff could get this whole Iraq thing under control.... I mean folks would be like you know with cute kids like this is the world what is there to fight over!

I mean there were big construction working dudes in the line with us cracking up! And she could careless... She's like, "Whatever, Mommy, this is my jam!"

It was hilarious and really cute... Totally YouTube-able... but alas her mother is a lazy slub ole ME and I do not run around with a video camera or digital camera constantly strapped to my neck so you missed it... Bummer.

But if she continues on this track you can just call Michael and I, Matthew and Tina Knowles and she can be our own little "Destiny's Child!" You can say " NO, NO, NO" if you want to but Mommy got "Bills, Bills, Bills" and she could put in on that!

I'm just saying...

Moving right along....So, Michael left me y'all!

Not for real for real , But for like a week.... but he is in DC at some fabulous hotel having the time of his life at his union building workshops and the like... Its like totally a big deal that he got picked, huge honor, something like only 20 people in the nation get chosen every two years, it will allow him to be the best union builder he can be, help save jobs, help hundreds of families, blah, blah, blah....
All that is well and good but.....

Who the F**k is going to take the garbage out?

Soooooo, I acted like an ass about it initially.....

I'm allowed( but just a little teeny bit)

Thankfully, I have gotten myself together enough to be happy about the fact that he got this big opportunity and that he gets sometime to himself ,to learn, relax, and chill! Lord knows, that 60 hour work week working man deserves it!

But I miss my man! I love him... He's funny and he makes me laugh and smile, and is particularly helpful in keeping my ridonkulos anxiety in check and he has a cute booty on top of all that! Not to mention his garbage taking abilities.

This is the longest we've been apart since we've been together... I was having all kids of panic attacks about it but then I just decided to do what Michael is always telling me to do:

"Chill the F**k Out!"

I have stopped worrying about the 8 million things that could go wrong! And I am now solely focused on the 8 billion things that will go right! It has made this whole thing a lot more pleasant...

I stopped freaking out about how bored the kid and I would be in the house and came up with all kind of fun activities for us to do... Last night, We had a fabulous tickle fight, the legend of which will be told for years to come.

There are some serious benefits to a week away from the hubby...

Michael is allergic to seafood...
The kid and I have been having a full blown "SHIRMPAGANZA!"
We just had shrimp fried rice, sweet and crispy shrimp, shrimp egg rolls, catfish fillets, shrimp toast and jam, and shrimp juice.

OK maybe not all that but we have been getting to know seafood intimately!

Michael is a blanket and bed space hogger...
Yesterday, slept in a total L shape right in the middle of the bed! And I used every single pillow on the bed!!!(insert evil laugh here and me screeching,"I am the PILLLLLOOOOWWW PRINNCCESSS!!!)

Michael is totally disgusted with my secret love of all things reality TV.
Its been a reality TV buffet all up and through this beeeootchh! Yesterday I watched the Biggest Loser, Real(llyFAKE) Housewives of the OC, Project Runway, Celebrity Apprentice, and American Gladiators, and the MTV gauntlet thing!! I am not ashamed.

Obviously, I'm over here trying to make lemonade out of lemons.

But it has been a fun flirting with him over the phone and IM. And I cannot wait to see him on Friday!!! Its like we had a long distance romance for a week! Its is such a nice little excitement to be like only 5 more days, only 2 more days.... I'm going to smother him in loving when he comes home!!

Stay fierce, fabulous, and smothered in lovin,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge at My Design Diva!

Booty....

So I haven't been keeping up with the blog everyday and I don't think everyday blogging is a realistic goal for me especially since My Design Diva is on and popping! I've been cranking out the new designs as you can see from my slide show below and I have been getting a lot orders!! YAY!!!New Manolo's here I come!

And a very cool bonus is that all of the brides I have been working with have been unbelievably fierce and I love them all! Such fun and love-filled women just the kind of people I looooovee working for!

Anyway, the big reason for not writing is THE Motherf-ing INFLUENZA! Can you believe this madness I've got the flu. Not flu-like symptoms like some of you pansies(this means you Michael) had last year and claimed "to be going to meet your maker". I've got the mother freaking INFLUENZA!!!

I'd like to have slapped the stank out of the doctor when she told me I had the REAL FLU!! She was all dramatic about it and freaked out about catching it! Like I been playing in landfills and picked up some totally specialized unbelievably contagious strain of disease! I mean it is a huge pain in the ass but getting the flu is totally common.

You think, she thought I had the Ebola cause I was black & AFRICAN?

Triflin! I swear I have not been hooking up with the Outbreak Monkey! I even put on the little surgical mask they give you and wore it the whole time! And since you are a DOCTOR,can you please stop with all the dramatics! She came in the room and was like "Well, Ma'am I hate to break it to you but you've got influenza! This could lay you out for months!You be in terrible pain and unable to do anything! Please keep your mask tied tightly cause we don't want to get what you got" AND I QUOTE!!! I was like how did I get it she was like well you probably got it from being in contact with your kids Kids are petri dishes of infections!! I'm surprised she didn't bring her tail in the room like this

It was so crazy all I could do was laugh I mean, All I could do was hack my lungs out and moan from the headache and aches and pains but if I can't be sick at the doctors office where in the H-E-Double can a sicko like myself get some love!

Oh I know where in the bed with my husband: AKA the freak AKA the indestructible man AKA Michael!

I swear to goodness his horniness know no bounds. Like I was literally laying in bed with my left lung trying to escape my chest through my coughs, with a 101 degree fever and cold sweats and this dude climbs in the bed with me and starts to feel on my BOOTY!!!!

And maybe I was just hopped up on antibiotics but instead of slapping his ass immediately I thought" AWWWWWW my baby loves me and finds me attractive even in my sickest most disgusting moments. How sweet!"

And then I slapped him!

OK, not really but in some sick way it made me love him more that even with the INFLUENZA and the terrible way I looked and felt he still wanted to love on me! Yet another reason to embrace my fabulousness even my husband can resist the deliciousness that is me(and my boootyyyeee my boooootyyyy[shout out to R. Kelly's ignorant behind)
Anyway Michael wasn't all nasty about it either! As he said "that the best way he knows how to make me feel good so he was willing to take one for the team and make love to me all night to nurse me back to health."

How selfless of him!
Ya right! What can I say My husbands a freakky Freak!

But I love that dude and he took great care of me with delicious chicken soup, warm towels and blankets, daily medicine checks, back rubs, and taking care of the baby and then taking her to my mom's for the week so I could recuperate! !!!

HE meant well but he was a little misguided! I did break him off with a little something something once the dry heaving stopped ! hee hee!


Stay Fierce, Fabulous, and hopelessly in LOVE and LUST with your husband,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge

mydesigndiva.etsy.com

Day 59, Change 2, Leave that Man alone....

Change #2:

I know this will come as an absolute shock to my sweet loving husband & family, but er uh... sometimes I can be a teensy, weensy, tiny bit of a nag....

Ok fine... You gots ta claim it, to change it...

I HAVE BEEN A NAG!

I blame my mother for this side of me. It is one of the many thing about the woman I call mama that drives me abso-damn-lutely craaazzzyy!

She just can't leave folks alone. I mean she is on top of me at all times! AT ALL TIMES! Constantly calling me, hawking me, NAGGGIIINNNGG MEEEE!

I mean, it use to make my skin visibly bristle. A sista like me was busting out in hives all day eerreeday as a young girl. But somehow I made it thru all that. Just Fine Only slightly crazy, which is a triumph!

So now as I find myself placed firmly in the position of Mama with a husband, a daughter, a step-daughter, and a stepson, I can feel it.

Damn, I can almost taste it.

The hot, nasty, trash infested, stank, nasty breath of the nag monster breathing on my neck trying its very best to come out of my mouth and inhabit my soul.

Try again, Homie! I'm on to you now... And you will be stopped immediately.

THE DEFINITION OF A NAG

1.	to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands.

2.	to keep in a state of troubled awareness or anxiety, as a recurrent pain or problem

3.	to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

4.	to cause pain, discomfort, distress, depression, etc. (often fol. by at)

I didn't get it before. I realize that nagging is nothing but arrogance,anxiety, insecurity,nervousness,and a shot of good intention left out to rot.

Growing up the way, I did with a mother who was a nag left me "in a state of troubled awareness and anxiety." I desperately love my mother but I realize that some mistakes were made. My father was not a nice man. My mother would nag him to craziness at times. This doesn't excuse his at times out and out deplorable behavior but I understand being pushed to the edge by a nag. Maybe that was just the way she found to deal with the madness. She made a mistake in that area. I will make mistakes with my family too. But I will not make this one.

I.

Will.

Not.

NAG.

I will not stress my people with constant questions, demands, and worries.


I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

I will leave that man alone...

He has always done exactly what he says he is going to do. So there is no need to constantly question him about everything. I don't need to look over his shoulder as he is doing anything. I need to stop being frantic that one day he will just up and stop being the man that I know him to be. He is smart, funny, honest, faithful, strong, hard working, and he loves me. I will stop complaining about the way that he does those things. I will stop nagging him to love me better or differently. I will stop asking him constantly if he loves me. I will stop hawking him for love. He love me. He shows and tells me all the time.

I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

All of this madness comes from one place and one place alone. Sometimes, I am scared of everything. Not can't go out the house scared, but just can't chill and go with the flow, scared. Its not all the time not even most of the time. But its enough of the time.

Reading that definition of a nag hit me hard. I am stepping out of this constant "state of troubled awareness and anxiety." Its not helpful.

I did it once. For the wedding. I can honestly say for that whole day I just let go and let God. I trusted every single decision I had made. I trusted the people I hired to do their jobs and handle them well without my nagging. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy. Everybody kept asking me aren't you worried? Aren't you nervous? But I wasn't. How could I have been. That day was the day when my baby love would officially be my husband. The man that he is, the love that we have, the life that we are creating: these things give me unspeakable joy. He has finally given me peace.

So I will not blemish that with the worry, anxiety and nagging. I will stop worrying that one day he will look at me and think hold fast, this is all I got. I will stop worrying that one day the love will go away. I, begrudgingly, admit this is possible.

But will the constant worry make it impossible?

NOPE.

So, I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to enjoy love and being loved. I'm going to smile when my husband calls me baby cause that's all I ever wanted. I'm going to be thankful when he makes me undercooked potatoes for breakfast because ummm my husband just made me breakfast.What the hell could be wrong with that?! I'm going to laugh as loud as he does in public cause who cares... We're happy! I'm going to enjoy my love.

I will no longer be so frantic with worry and anxiety that I can't relax for just a few moments everyday and just enjoy the flow of life.

I apologize to myself for endlessly nagging myself out of some of the greatest experiences of life!

I apologize to myself for all the things I never did. I apologize for nagging myself out of a four year scholarship!

I apologize to myself for not starting My Design Diva the moment the idea struck me.

I apologize to my stepchildren for nagging them about cleaning their rooms, and dressing warmly when going out in the snow. (Especially since I rarely do any of those things myself)

So honey, I admit it, when I check the babies diaper after you've changed it, I am more than just concerned that the diapers may be faulty. Somewhere deep in the arrogantly, insecure recesses of my mind, I am so full of myself that I am convinced you will do it wrong. That's rude. That's disrespectful. That's unkind. That's not who I am. Thank god you know that.

I'm sorry baby.

I' m sorry for being to scared to go rollerskating with you, biking with you, skiing with you, ALIVE with you!

I apologize for shushing you in the movie theater when you laugh SO loud. It really was hilarious when that happened that one time.

My most heartfelt appologies, for being so married to my fear that I neglected you my real husband.

I apologize for freaking out when you pinch my booty when we are walking down the street.

I apologize for being so scared you will be unfaithful to me that I become a detective and treat you like a criminal when I can't pinpoint your exact whereabouts for more than 15 minutes of any given time.

I apologize for being so frantic . I'm working on it, my love. I will conquer the nag within. I appreciate your kindness and understanding as I work this out.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and fearless,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge

My Design Diva...