I've got STD fever!!!

So when I first started posting on Internet message boards and forums I was always so confused about the letter language that everybody was using!
WTF, FI,DH, OOT, DIY, PIB, and my all time favorite STD!
I know right! I will never forget one day when I innocently logged on to theknot.com message boards to be assaulted with a post in all caps loudly proclaiming:

I GOT MY STD'S!!!!!!

I almost spit my water all over the computer screen! All I could think was uhh, damn STD's...PLURAL!!! Obviously she's not living right!

But I was relieved to find out that STD was the Internet bride's way of talking about her SAVE THE DATE cards!
With guests and family schedule's being so packed couple's have taken to sending Save the Date cards months in advance (usually 6-8 months before the wedding) to let their loved ones know about their upcoming wedding!
Is it absolutely necessary.... nope!
Is it a fun thing to do and another awesome way to brand your most fabulous wedding? Most divanitely, YES!

Lately I'm all about the save the date design! I've got new save the date designs up at my etsy store and the one up at the top is the newest design that I have been working on! I'm loving it! I hope you all don't think I'm extra conceited putting our picture in all the designs! It just easier cause Mikey and I are willing guinea pigs!!

On the home front: I'm still fighting the INFLUENZA so I'm exhausted half the damn day! But I am pressing on with all my great life changes! Today when Michael came home he said "Oooh, you look cute!" and I did! I put on a little jean skirt, a cute red top, and some cute sandals just to chill around the house! Ya, I know its January but errr um its hot in my house! I'm embracing my inner fabulousness!

Just cause I'm a stay at home mom doesn't mean I'm not a fierce one! I made the most delicious pot roast with creamy mashed potatoes and brown sugar cured baby carrots! I can barely move it was so delicious!!!

So my darling diva's.....
When was the last time you home-cooked a deliciously divine meal for you and your family! Luckily, now that I am at home, I'm able to do it all the time. I know how the hustle and bustle of working, keeping up with bills, keeping it fabulous, and just being you can keep you at the local take out joint! That is perfectly fine! My takeout menu drawer can be my best friend but every once in a while its nice to make something totally from scratch...

It can be totally therapeutic to chop your own onions, peel your own potatoes, and watch your loved ones devour the meal you made all on your own. It makes me feel like even with all the craziness in the world for just this one moment I have given my family something of my own making, filled with nothing but my good intentions and love, something that will give them that good, full belly feeling that is so divine!

Stay fierce, fabulous and full of good food & good love,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge
My Design Diva

Day 58, Change 3, Embrace the Fabulous...

Can I keep it real with ya?

I'm pretty freaking fabulous.

Call me cocky, arrogant, whatever but the truth is the motherfucking truth!
All this beating around the bush and shit just ain't going to get us where we need to be. We need to be better than that.

I stay fierce, fabulous, and fine. And there is no reason to try to hide it. Or to not acknowledge it.

I should be ashamed of the talent, the gawjusness, the fierceness. For what reason?

Flaws and all, I still make a pretty fan-fucking-tastic package and I will not waste anymore time trying to downgrade the diva that I am. After all I am the HDIC.

But all that means, I've got to stop the bullshit and live up to my potential.

Therein lies the rub.

If I act like I'm not gorgeous, its OK to be sloppy as my daily uniform.
If downplay my sense of style and impeccable taste, Its OK to not do my hair and wear head wraps and scarfs because I am too lazy to take care of my physical appearance and put in a little work. Its OK to have gained more weight and too have outgrown all of your clothes. Its OK to have not finished your college degree because who are you to think that you are worthy of a life advancement like that. Its OK to nag the fuck out out of your husband cause who do you think you are to have someone who loves you. And its alright to never live up to your potential cause hey you ain't worth none of the blessing that you have been given.

Nonsense.

Total Bologna.

So as Solstice would say, I fiiiinnnnish .

I'm not going to dishonor all the gifts that I have been given by not using them.
That is just plain silly.
Disrespectful really.

When I was born all the good things in this world conspired to give me health, a poetic mind & heart, the ability to sing, an eye for style, intelligence, a good sense of humor, resilience, and the favor of a loving family. Its is unconscionable for me to sit in the house and pout & do nothing with my skill set.

I should be thankful that there are so many different directions my life has pulled me in. because of all the places life has taken me I have done (and can still do) a little bit of everything.
I should embrace that and create a life filled with all the things that I am good at. I shouldn't feel like I have to be perfect at one thing and let the others fall by the wayside. I can be a graphic designer/singer/poet/teacher/card artist/activist/mother/songwriter/sexy beast/wife/& star.

Jack of all trades, master of none.

I'm not perfect at anything but I'm good at everything. That statement has always resonated with me. I don't want to be perfect. I just want to be good. I am.
I honor the fabulousness that is, me. I will claim it. I will own it. Everyday, I will honor the blessings I have been given and strive to achieve the full Splendor that is Senam. No moredoing just barely enough. Its time to do it all, and to do it well....

Stay fierce, fabulous, and fan-fucking-tastic,

Senam
Head Diva in Charge
My Design Diva,

Day 59, Change 2, Leave that Man alone....

Change #2:

I know this will come as an absolute shock to my sweet loving husband & family, but er uh... sometimes I can be a teensy, weensy, tiny bit of a nag....

Ok fine... You gots ta claim it, to change it...

I HAVE BEEN A NAG!

I blame my mother for this side of me. It is one of the many thing about the woman I call mama that drives me abso-damn-lutely craaazzzyy!

She just can't leave folks alone. I mean she is on top of me at all times! AT ALL TIMES! Constantly calling me, hawking me, NAGGGIIINNNGG MEEEE!

I mean, it use to make my skin visibly bristle. A sista like me was busting out in hives all day eerreeday as a young girl. But somehow I made it thru all that. Just Fine Only slightly crazy, which is a triumph!

So now as I find myself placed firmly in the position of Mama with a husband, a daughter, a step-daughter, and a stepson, I can feel it.

Damn, I can almost taste it.

The hot, nasty, trash infested, stank, nasty breath of the nag monster breathing on my neck trying its very best to come out of my mouth and inhabit my soul.

Try again, Homie! I'm on to you now... And you will be stopped immediately.

THE DEFINITION OF A NAG

1.	to annoy by persistent faultfinding, complaints, or demands.

2.	to keep in a state of troubled awareness or anxiety, as a recurrent pain or problem

3.	to find fault or complain in an irritating, wearisome, or relentless manner

4.	to cause pain, discomfort, distress, depression, etc. (often fol. by at)

I didn't get it before. I realize that nagging is nothing but arrogance,anxiety, insecurity,nervousness,and a shot of good intention left out to rot.

Growing up the way, I did with a mother who was a nag left me "in a state of troubled awareness and anxiety." I desperately love my mother but I realize that some mistakes were made. My father was not a nice man. My mother would nag him to craziness at times. This doesn't excuse his at times out and out deplorable behavior but I understand being pushed to the edge by a nag. Maybe that was just the way she found to deal with the madness. She made a mistake in that area. I will make mistakes with my family too. But I will not make this one.

I.

Will.

Not.

NAG.

I will not stress my people with constant questions, demands, and worries.


I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

I will leave that man alone...

He has always done exactly what he says he is going to do. So there is no need to constantly question him about everything. I don't need to look over his shoulder as he is doing anything. I need to stop being frantic that one day he will just up and stop being the man that I know him to be. He is smart, funny, honest, faithful, strong, hard working, and he loves me. I will stop complaining about the way that he does those things. I will stop nagging him to love me better or differently. I will stop asking him constantly if he loves me. I will stop hawking him for love. He love me. He shows and tells me all the time.

I will NOT nag my husband into craziness.

All of this madness comes from one place and one place alone. Sometimes, I am scared of everything. Not can't go out the house scared, but just can't chill and go with the flow, scared. Its not all the time not even most of the time. But its enough of the time.

Reading that definition of a nag hit me hard. I am stepping out of this constant "state of troubled awareness and anxiety." Its not helpful.

I did it once. For the wedding. I can honestly say for that whole day I just let go and let God. I trusted every single decision I had made. I trusted the people I hired to do their jobs and handle them well without my nagging. I made a conscious decision to just enjoy. Everybody kept asking me aren't you worried? Aren't you nervous? But I wasn't. How could I have been. That day was the day when my baby love would officially be my husband. The man that he is, the love that we have, the life that we are creating: these things give me unspeakable joy. He has finally given me peace.

So I will not blemish that with the worry, anxiety and nagging. I will stop worrying that one day he will look at me and think hold fast, this is all I got. I will stop worrying that one day the love will go away. I, begrudgingly, admit this is possible.

But will the constant worry make it impossible?

NOPE.

So, I'm going to enjoy. I'm going to enjoy love and being loved. I'm going to smile when my husband calls me baby cause that's all I ever wanted. I'm going to be thankful when he makes me undercooked potatoes for breakfast because ummm my husband just made me breakfast.What the hell could be wrong with that?! I'm going to laugh as loud as he does in public cause who cares... We're happy! I'm going to enjoy my love.

I will no longer be so frantic with worry and anxiety that I can't relax for just a few moments everyday and just enjoy the flow of life.

I apologize to myself for endlessly nagging myself out of some of the greatest experiences of life!

I apologize to myself for all the things I never did. I apologize for nagging myself out of a four year scholarship!

I apologize to myself for not starting My Design Diva the moment the idea struck me.

I apologize to my stepchildren for nagging them about cleaning their rooms, and dressing warmly when going out in the snow. (Especially since I rarely do any of those things myself)

So honey, I admit it, when I check the babies diaper after you've changed it, I am more than just concerned that the diapers may be faulty. Somewhere deep in the arrogantly, insecure recesses of my mind, I am so full of myself that I am convinced you will do it wrong. That's rude. That's disrespectful. That's unkind. That's not who I am. Thank god you know that.

I'm sorry baby.

I' m sorry for being to scared to go rollerskating with you, biking with you, skiing with you, ALIVE with you!

I apologize for shushing you in the movie theater when you laugh SO loud. It really was hilarious when that happened that one time.

My most heartfelt appologies, for being so married to my fear that I neglected you my real husband.

I apologize for freaking out when you pinch my booty when we are walking down the street.

I apologize for being so scared you will be unfaithful to me that I become a detective and treat you like a criminal when I can't pinpoint your exact whereabouts for more than 15 minutes of any given time.

I apologize for being so frantic . I'm working on it, my love. I will conquer the nag within. I appreciate your kindness and understanding as I work this out.

Stay fierce, fabulous, and fearless,

Senam

Head Diva in Charge

My Design Diva...

Thirty ... Uhh... 60 days to a better me...

Let's be honest this mess might take 60 years but alas the eternal optimist in me is going to try to be just a little bit better than I am right now in the next 60 days!

How very grown up of me to realize that I have some areas to deal with.... Even DIVA's can be better. I mean don't get is twisted I am still spectacularly, Senam! Over the next few days I will go over all of the items one by one.

1. I have plans to have the actual website for mydesigndiva.com on and popping!

In order, to have that happen I need to create & product test at least 100 different products/designs to present to you, my adoring public. I would also in the next 30 days have at least save the dates, monograms, and 10 invitation suites up and popping at my etsy shop.

Hopefully have some sales and some very,very happy customers. I really take each order to heart knowing that these people have trusted me not only with their money but with a part of one of the most important moments of their lives.

There is not enough love in the world. This I know to be true.

So any two people who have, despite of the nonsense that this world is filled with, enough gumption to jump into the lovely, tumtultuos, peaceful, harrowing, fun-filled, gut-wrenching, heart healing, soul stirring, boat called marriage, I applaud them. I support them. I lift them up to God, Allah, Jesus, Yaweh, Buddah, and to every good power, spirit, thought, and force in the world and sincerely hope they will be blessed!

I do my best to offer my skill as a designer and paper artist to trumpet the day when they took the leap for love.

Stay fierce, fabulous & In love,

Senam